School.

Well tonight was Ryans' first parent meeting. My insides were killing me, saying I shouldn't go, so I don't step on any toes. But I am married to his father. So legally I am a "step" mom. So, I went to the meeting. Of course his mother showed up late, after yelling and screaming to us about that there was school today. We didn't say there wasn't. She told us after the meeting she wanted to talk to Martin and me. And that we were going to " love" what she had to say. Well she left early, which made me feel great about myself. I signed up for the winter festival and some other meetings.    What is the definition of a step parent?

Forget the one thats always there

I feel like when we have a child, our child will be forgot about, when Ryan comes to see us. Like right now, we get Ryan every other week. I feel like when we have our child, it will be old news when Ryan is around. When Ryan gets older and hits school age, I would assume we would get him for summer, winter, spring type breaks. And because our child will be with us 24/7, will he or she just be there, cause we will be so wrapped up in Ryan. Or does it come natural to know that both children are there?

School

Tomorrow Ryan (my stepson) will start Head Start. Head Start is a school for 3 and 4 year olds. It's pretty cool we have him for his first day of school, picture time!!! It will be a relief on my pocket because no more daycare costs. But it should be a happy time. But in my heart it's not. Annabella will never be able to go to Head Start or a daycare, there won't be first day of school pictures, or new backpacks. I won't be the mother on the registration, I won't be the mommy on the cards or the pictures from school.  I thought being married would have made me more like a mother figure. But really all I am is a paycheck. I go to work to get a paycheck, so we can survive. There is no Pam stays home and watches a kid all day. For once in my life, I would love to be a stay at home mommy. To be able to put my name on a paper and legally be the mother. Oh I pray for my rainbow baby.